Defining glamour

Some people need glamour in their lives. Anna Wintour, for example, who has made a rather impressive career from her pursuit of it. The fictional character of Carrie Bradshaw, who is seemingly incapable of walking unless six-inch Manolos are strapped to her feet. Elizabeth Taylor who, if The Simpsons are to be believed (and why wouldn't they be?!?), sits around all day polishing her 33.19-carat diamond with a very dainty toothbrush. Alexis Carrington Colby, who requires no explanation.

You know who doesn't need glamour in their lives? Campers. These are people who relish the idea of sleeping under the stars, building a fire pit, pitching a tent and shitting in the woods. It's a lifestyle, so they tell me, that encourages a connection with nature and a rediscovery of our original primitive selves. I envision musty sleeping bags, canned food, mosquitos, flannel and leg cramps. And that's my romantic view. Believe me, you don't want to know what I really think happens behind closed cedars in the wilderness.

But lo! The camping times they are a changin'. Have you heard of this new incarnation that fashion designers and interior decorators are calling glamour camping or more succinctly, glamping? Yes, there are luxury tents with proper beds, 500 thread-count sheets, electricity, and help on hand to make coffee and kill bugs and stuff. You'd think this was right up my alley, right? Wrong. I've heard nothing of indoor plumbing. And don't think me precious just because happiness is a toilet flush away in my world. How many of you would be cool if the bathroom in your apartment was out of commish for a few days? Hmm?

Dean and Dan Caten, the gruesome twosome behind DSquared2, dedicated their spring/summer 2010 collection to glamping and elevated the humble (or is it horrible?) Birkenstock to pret-a-porter status. A feat — uh, pardon the pun — Parisian women have been trying to accomplish for years now. For it was in Paris that I first noticed women wearing those t-strap Birkenstocks in a rainbow of metallic and patent leather hues. Nice try, mesdames, but comfort footwear doesn't need to be so laide. Besides, anyone who's owned Birks will tell you the breaking-in period is enough to make you want to ditch the sandals and walk the streets barefoot. Oh sure, our heels have made us do the same, but at least they're pretty to look at and make our legs look longer.

 DSquared2 s/s 2010

I realize I'm being especially cranky pantsy on this, a Friday where I find myself staring down the barrel of a working weekend, but the way I see it, if you need to inject glamour into your camping weekend, maybe you shouldn't be going camping. Perhaps a nice picnic in the park is more up your alley. I'm just sayin'.